Money can feel harder than it ‘should’ sometimes.
Even when we’re doing all the ‘right’ things – earning, saving, planning ahead – it doesn’t always feel straightforward. We might put things off, feel unsure where to start, or avoid certain decisions altogether. Sometimes even thinking about money can feel uncomfortable.
If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. And it doesn’t mean that you’re bad with money.
For women especially, there are often a few extra layers shaping this experience – and understanding them can make things feel a bit clearer.
Why money can feel different for women
It’s easy to think money is just about knowledge or confidence. But often, it’s shaped by the world around us – and the roles we might end up playing within it.
Positive psychologist and behavioural researcher Emily Shipp has explored this in her work with the Edinburgh Futures Institute. She looks at what really shapes how people make financial decisions over time and why it can be harder to plan ahead. A big part of it comes down to context – the situations and expectations shaping women’s decisions.
1. We’re affected by the systems around us
Some factors are baked into how work and life are structured. For many women, this can include:
Earning less on average
Taking time out of work – especially when they become mothers (you can learn more about ‘the motherhood tax’ by reading our article on it)
Having less consistent income across their career
Over time, these patterns can make it genuinely harder to build savings or plan long term.
2. We pick things up from the world around us
Our experiences growing up and in adulthood can shape how comfortable we feel with money. Things like:
Who we saw managing money
Who tends to take the lead financially in relationships
The expectations placed on men and women
Even when people are equally capable, they’re not always encouraged in the same way. Over time, that can shape confidence, experience, and how involved we feel in financial decisions.
3. Everyday life and the mental load
Then there’s day-to-day life.
Emily describes the mental load as ‘the remembering to remember’ – all of the unseen thinking that keeps life moving. Planning, organising, keeping track of what needs to happen next.
It takes time and energy, and it uses the same mental space we need to think about longer-term things like saving or pensions.
4. Less space to think ahead
When your focus is on what needs to happen today or this week, thinking years into the future can feel distant – or easy to put off. It doesn’t mean that those decisions don’t matter, it just means they’re competing with everything else.
Why it can feel like you’re falling behind
When you put all of this together – past experiences, daily pressures, and wider systems – it’s not surprising that money can feel more difficult for women. But what often happens is we don’t see the bigger picture. Instead, we turn it inwards.
You might recognise thoughts like:
‘I should have done more’
‘I’m behind everyone else’
‘I don’t know enough’
But those thoughts rarely take everything into account. They miss the context behind how your relationship with money has developed in the first place.
A different way to think about money
One way to look at this differently is to step back and see money as part of the bigger picture of your life – not something separate from it. Because often, what’s really happening is a series of trade-offs.
Between things like:
Security and flexibility
Career progression and caregiving
Present needs and future plans
And those trade-offs aren’t wrong – they’re part of living, but it helps to make those choices as consciously as possible. Choosing to step back from work, support family, or prioritise other parts of life can make perfect sense, even if it has longer-term financial impacts. The key isn’t to avoid those decisions, it’s to make them as intentionally as possible and to be clear on what they might mean for your future self.
This can also be something to navigate together in relationships, rather than one person carrying the long-term impact alone. If you’re struggling to think about how to get those money conversations started, you could take a look at our money conversations starter guide, created in collaboration with Go Fund Yourself, an online finance community.
To hear more on this topic, tune in to Dr Tom and Emily's conversation in the Money:Mindshift podcast episode, 'How to get unstuck with money'.
When you look at money in isolation, it can feel like you’re behind. But when you see it in the context of the life you’re building, the picture often looks more balanced.
Where to start
If money has felt difficult, it might help to take a small step back rather than trying to fix everything at once. You could start with:
Noticing when money feels uncomfortable
Recognising patterns, like putting things off
Getting curious about where those reactions come from
And then, when it feels possible, taking one small step forward.
Money can feel personal, but it’s rarely just personal. If it’s felt hard, it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong. It might just reflect the experiences, expectations and responsibilities you’ve carried – and understanding that can be a really helpful place to start.