Money conversation 
starters guide
A practical guide to talking about what money really means to you

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Shame

First of all, congratulations for recognising a money emotion that strikes a chord with you. Take a look at these statements to see some of the thoughts or feelings that can often show up with this emotion:

  • 'What am I actually afraid of: the reality, or the story I'm telling myself?'
  • 'What's the worst-case scenario I'm imagining? And what's the most likely scenario?'
  • 'What would make me feel 5% less afraid about money today?'
  • 'If fear wasn't driving my financial decisions, what would I do differently?'
  • 'Where did my money fear begin, and is it still serving me?'

These prompts are designed to help you start conversations about money emotions that matter, with clarity, honesty, and without shame. It’s worth noting that these prompts are just to help you get started, and there may be other points that you want to ask and raise – this is up to you, and whatever you feel comfortable sharing.

You can use them in conversations with a partner or loved ones, or simply as journal prompts for personal reflection.

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In conversation with a partner or loved one:

  • 'I need to tell you something – I’ve been hiding some of my spending because I feel ashamed about it. I don’t want it to become a thing between us. Can we talk about it without judgement?'
  • 'There’s stuff about my financial past I haven’t told you because I’m worried you’ll see me differently. But I’d rather you heard it from me.'
  • 'I feel ashamed that I'm not 'better' with money by now. Can we create a plan together without me feeling like I'm being judged?'
  • 'I know I go quiet whenever money comes up. It’s because I feel ashamed and I don’t know how to say it. Could we find an easier way to talk about it?'
  • 'I was taught that talking about money is shameful. I want to break that pattern, but I need help starting.'
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Solo reflection:

  • 'What story am I telling myself about my financial worth?'
  • 'Where did I learn that my financial situation is something to be ashamed of?'
  • 'What would it feel like to talk about money without shame, even just to myself?'
  • 'If I removed shame from the equation, what would I do differently with my money?'
  • 'What would I tell someone I love if they felt the same financial shame I feel?'