Article Why comparing yourself isn't always bad

We’re often told ‘don’t compare yourself to others’. It's well-meant advice, but it’s unrealistic. Why? Because humans are wired to compare. Whether it’s salaries, savings accounts, homes, holidays or even hobbies, we constantly measure ourselves against those around us.

The real question isn't how to stop comparing yourself. It's how to compare more wisely, more constructively, and more insightfully – especially when it comes to how we manage our money.

In this article – and in our podcast episode ‘How to compare yourself’, with special guest Neil Bage – we explore why comparisons are hard to avoid. We cover how they influence, not only your financial decisions – but your money mindset, too.

Comparing yourself is human nature

Comparison is not a modern invention. Long before social media, people sized each other up in villages, towns, and markets. It’s part of how we learn what’s possible and what’s desirable.

Behavioural scientist, Neil Bage, explains in our podcast that we’re biologically built to look to others for behavioural cues: ‘We have evolved to look for cues from within the tribe... we observe that behaviour and mimic it if it plays out well. That’s how we’ve learnt to survive and succeed’. So while advice like ‘just be yourself’ sounds great, our brains aren’t built for that kind of isolation.

Studies show we don't just form opinions about ourselves in isolation – we form them socially.¹ One study found that people living in areas with a high number of luxury cars were actually less satisfied with their lives.² Another found that living near lottery winners increased the likelihood of bankruptcy – because seeing others gain wealth changed spending patterns, often for the worse.³ 

Comparisons can be misleading

When it comes to money, comparisons can quietly steer you off course. You might feel pressure to buy a bigger house, drive a newer car, or book a more luxurious holiday – even if it doesn't align with your actual goals or financial wellbeing.

The reality behind someone else’s lifestyle is often invisible. High incomes don’t always mean high savings. Big houses often come with big mortgages. And luxury holidays might be paid for on credit.

Neil describes this as living in a ‘cropped existence’ – where we only see the highlight reels others choose to share. In our podcast, he said: ‘They might have the nice house and the perfect family, but when they close that front door, you have no idea what’s really going on’.

When we base our spending on what others appear to be doing, we risk neglecting our own values, needs, and future.

How to compare yourself more wisely

You can’t stop comparing – but you can take back control. Here are three ways you could do that:

Grab the emotion 

When you feel envy or jealousy, don’t ignore it. These emotions are signals. They can reveal what you value. Neil puts it powerfully: ‘Emotions are data. They’re information that we can pause and think about – and then do something with’. Maybe a friend’s new kitchen sparks a desire for stability, not necessarily for a designer home.

Next time you feel envy, jot down what you’re envious of. And ask yourself why that is? It isn’t bad to want a larger kitchen, bigger car, higher salary or even a fridge that tells you you’re running low on cheese. You may learn something about yourself – a deep aspiration or goal – that is genuinely helpful. Perhaps not though. And for that, ask: 'Do I really want this? Or do I just feel I should want it?'

See the whole picture 

We tend to see the highlights of other people’s lives – not the full story. That’s the ‘grass is greener’ effect. Before you let a comparison influence your spending, step into the other person’s shoes. Ask yourself:

• What might they be sacrificing?
• Are there parts of their lifestyle I wouldn’t want?
• What might they admire about my life?

Practise gratitude (what is it that you are grateful for?). You may have strengths, freedoms, or relationships they envy you for.

Be selective about role models 

Instead of random comparisons, choose who you compare yourself to. Pick people whose values match yours. Ask yourself: 'What can I learn from their mindset or habits’? 
 
Neil suggests reframing the whole idea of comparison: ‘It’s not about being them – it’s about taking a part of what they’ve done or how they live and using it to enhance your own story’.

For example, if saving is your priority, be inspired by people who live modestly and plan well, not just those who display wealth. 

Ask yourself, is this person’s life aligned with what I truly want? If not, their choices might not be your path.

Managing money with a better mindset

Good financial management isn’t just about budgeting or investing. It’s about self-awareness. Comparison, when used well, isn’t the enemy. It’s a tool. A guidepost, and chance to reflect. 

When you find yourself comparing to someone else, try making smarter comparisons as it could help you:

• Spend intentionally, not reactively.
• Set goals that reflect your values, not others’ expectations.
• Build real financial resilience.
• Feel more confident and at peace with your progress.

Compare yourself with care

You can’t stop comparing. But you can compare more constructively, more insightfully and more wisely. By tuning into your emotions, seeing the fuller picture, and choosing meaningful role models, you can turn comparison from a trigger into a tool. That's what Money:Mindshift is here for.

And in a world filled with highlight reels, making decisions based on your own goals (not someone else’s) is one of the most powerful things you can do.

For more tools, trips and tricks, head over to our financial wellbeing support page.