A few years ago, I met a couple who spent £100,000 on their wedding. Before you ask - they weren’t celebrities. They weren’t even especially wealthy. But they’d planned and saved carefully, so when the day came, they celebrated with friends and family in a way that was undeniably lavish.
My question to you is: was it too much to spend on a wedding?
If your instinct is to say ‘yes’, don’t worry – you’re not alone. Many people would probably flinch at the idea of spending so much on a single day.
After all, that same money could make a substantial dent in a house deposit, grow over time in a savings account, or fund years of memorable holidays. And there’s truth in that: the technical reasons for being cautious are pretty solid.
But being good with money isn’t just about spreadsheets, about numbers, and technicalities.
Using what you have to live the life you want
As Dr. Daniel Crosby (a psychologist, financial thinker and New York Times bestselling author) put it on our podcast recently: ‘There's a world beyond the technical aspects of money’. Being good with money is about using the resources you have, to live the life you want. One that’s uniquely yours.
It’s about aligning money with meaning, and using what you have to live a life of purpose and connection. Through that lens, a £100k wedding isn’t necessarily indulgent – it might just be aligned with what you want.
Perhaps we shouldn’t judge people solely by numbers. As Daniel suggests in our podcast, our financial decisions reflect our beliefs, our sense of belonging, and who we are trying to become.
For some, a large wedding isn’t just spending. It’s an investment in community, memory, and identity.
What's the trade-off?
The key question isn’t: ‘Is this too much to spend?’. It’s: ‘What am I giving up for this?’ For example, a wedding funded by debt that delays homeownership or compromises long-term goals could carry a heavy, emotional hangover.
On the other hand, a wedding that has been planned and budgeted for, as well as deeply desired, might be one of life’s most joyful trade-offs.
So, the principle Daniel talked about in our applies here, too: ‘make good easy, and make bad hard’.
If you're thinking about a big spend, automate your savings ahead of time. Visualise the result clearly: the ‘good’. Not just the table settings, but the feeling you want that day to carry. If you're in a partnership, talk openly about values. What does this event mean to you, and how does that meaning weigh against the other things you want?
Two smart questions for any big spend
Here are two questions you could ask yourself when you’re consider spending a lot of money:
- Will this make life more meaningful? Not just fun in the moment, but truly meaningful in how it connects with your beliefs, relationships, or goals.
- Can I afford it? Not just technically, but sustainably. Does this compromise your future self, or is it in harmony with long-term plans?
The value is in the balance
In his book, The Psychology of Money, bestselling author Morgan Housel said: ‘No one is crazy – we all make decisions based on our unique experiences that seem to make sense to us in a given moment.’1
We all bring our own history, family norms, and emotional wiring to the table. What looks frivolous to one person, may be sacred to another. The answer to whether a big spend is ‘too much’ can’t be found in a bank balance alone.
If it reflects who you are and who you want to become, I feel, is worth more than any price tag.
As Dr. Daniel Crosby said on our podcast, being good with money is not just about accumulating more. It’s about aligning what you have with the life you want. If your wedding, or any big expense, passes that test – emotionally and financially – then you’re probably spending well.
- The Psychology of Money - timeless lessons on wealth, greed, and happiness. Data source: Morgan Housel. September 2020. P24.