Comparison is part of being human. Clients often measure their financial progress not just against their own goals, but against the lifestyles and choices of others.
Rather than brushing these comparisons aside, you as an adviser have a unique opportunity to use them constructively. In this article – and in our podcast episode with Neil Bage – we explore how to turn moments of envy or self-doubt into meaningful conversations that reveal deeper values and support stronger financial planning.
Why comparison conversations matter
I met an adviser once who told me he’s got two types of clients. One type is of the ‘everyone’s got more than me’ type. These clients can typically say things like: ‘Everyone else seems to be retiring early’, or: ‘My friends are buying second homes’.
The other is the: ‘I’ve got so much, I’m worried my children will be spoilt’ type. These clients worry that their wealth might create entitlement in the next generation.
This probably isn’t an entirely accurate capture of the range of clients there is out there. But the point is: in either type, clients are not just making observations. By making comparisons to other people, they’re expressing something more personal – hopes, insecurities, unspoken fears.
Comparison isn’t just envy, it’s insight
As behavioural finance expert, Neil Bage, explains on our podcast, comparison is evolutionary. We’re wired to look to others for cues about what’s good or safe. He said: ‘We don't go through life in isolation... our evolutionary brain is kind of silently screaming, look for others for guidance or wisdom or little tips or tricks that you can use to make your journey through life just a little bit easier’.
So when a client expresses comparison, they’re often drawing from a deeply human instinct. Handled thoughtfully, these moments can lead to:
- Clarity around what truly matters
- Discovery of hidden goals or concerns
- More emotionally connected planning outcomes
How to turn comparison into a planning conversation
Clients who compare themselves to those they see as more successful may feel like they're being left behind. But underneath that might be a deeper desire – for freedom, security, or approval – that needs addressing in the plan. Clients who compare protectively (who think, for example: ‘I don’t want my children to…’) most likely value resilience, humility, and responsibility. All key elements in legacy planning.
Both types offer rich insight on what matters to the client. The challenge is spotting the moment and slowing down the conversation. Here’s three tips that could help.
1. Explore the moment together
When a comparison surfaces, try this simple three-step approach with your client:
- Pause: acknowledge the emotion. ‘It sounds like that’s weighing on you.’
- Explore: ask questions like: ‘What do you think that other lifestyle represents to you?’ Or: ‘What do you hope your children learn from how you use money?’.
- Reframe: shift the focus from outcomes to values. Translate envy into ambition, and fear into intention.
For example, if a client envies someone’s flexibility, you might prioritise options that bring freedom sooner. If they worry about spoiling their children, explore trusts, gifting strategies, or financial education.
2. Encourage healthier comparisons
It’s tempting to tell clients to not compare themselves. But that’s not possible given that it’s human to compare. It may not even be advisable given that not all comparisons are unhelpful.
The key is shifting the frame. Advisers can guide clients towards wiser role models – those who align with the client’s values, not just their financial ambitions.
In client conversations, you could ask:
- Whose financial habits or attitudes do you admire most?
- What parts of their approach could you see yourself applying?
3. Apply practical comparison tips to reframe comparison
By encouraging clients to focus on behaviours rather than outcomes, you can support healthier, more sustainable financial ambitions.
- Listen for comparison triggers: phrases like ‘everyone else is…’ signal important moments.
- Normalise comparison: help clients see that it’s human to compare, and that there’s wisdom to be found in it.
- Reframe comparison as insight: translate feelings of envy or fear into goals, values, and planning priorities.
- Promote meaningful role models: encourage comparisons based on behaviours, instincts, emotions and habits, rather than sheer wealth.
- Support long-term thinking: help clients move from reactive decisions based on peer pressure to intentional decisions based on their own vision of success.
Helping clients find their own path
Financial comparisons are not a sign that a client is ‘failing’. They’re a natural part of how people navigate money, meaning, and identity. As I explore in our 'How to compare' podcast episode with Neil Bage, comparison can be redirected – from insecurity to clarity, from competition to confidence.
For you, as an adviser, these moments offer a great opportunity to connect, understand, and advise more deeply. By exploring the emotions behind comparisons and helping clients shift towards wiser benchmarks, you could create financial plans that are not only sound, but also personal.
Because financial wellbeing isn’t just about having ‘more than others’. It’s about living a life that feels right for you. And helping your clients do the same.